Some of my favorite quotes from Ambrose Bierce

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."

"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."

"Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."

"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."

"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."